His name, for the purposes of this story, is Derek. He set his out-of-office auto-reply on November 14, 2023 — a Wednesday — and has not turned it off. It is now May 2026.
The reply reads: “I am currently OOO until further notice. For urgent matters, please contact my backup, Sharon.” Sharon left the company in January 2024. There is no longer a Sharon.
The Investigation
When we reached Derek by phone — his number was still in the company directory — he answered on the second ring and seemed genuinely pleased to hear from us. “Oh yeah,” he said, “I just never changed it back. I kept meaning to.”
Derek works, by all accounts, in a normal and fully employed capacity. He attends meetings. He submits his expense reports. He once organized a birthday cake for a colleague. He has simply never updated his auto-reply, and the company systems have declined to flag this as aberrant behavior.
We asked Derek if he had any regrets. “About the OOO?” he said. He thought about it. “Not really. It’s accurate. I’m always kind of OOO. Aren’t we all?”
We did not have an answer for that. We still don’t.
